Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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