well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
