well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
MIDGETS
????
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
