Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize