I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
