I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
