Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This gyro tastes like lonliness
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
