I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we're making bets on your personal life
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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