my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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