I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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