My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
