??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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