i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
