I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
