I skipped work to stalk him.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize