Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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