So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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