just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
