He told me they were just razor bumps!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
