If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
