i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
