The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Everything about him screamed your future.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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