Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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