I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
