haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
