she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
