just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
