Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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