But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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