she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
