mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
