I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
