Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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