I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize