yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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