my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
