Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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