before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it was like eating out sand paper
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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