I heard we made out
I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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