im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize