we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
