is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
