I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
