I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
