She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize