separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
