Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
