Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
