I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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