3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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