i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
