next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
