Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize