I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize