i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
