I want to stick my p in your. b.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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