Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
birth control should be required to get into college
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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