I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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