he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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