Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
