I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
