just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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