dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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