am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize