went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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