theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
