remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
