Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
