She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
