My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
