The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
