Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
