i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
