I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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