Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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