Someone shattered a urinal.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
