Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
