Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
