No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize