Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
