Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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