you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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