Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
