Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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