bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
