He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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