Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
