And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
