Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
