but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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