I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
