Cold hands, warm shart.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
