this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Shame is for Republicans.
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