UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
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