Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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