My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
