He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
