totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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