I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
