screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you inspire me to be a worse person
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
